One of the best perks of being a parent is raiding your kids’ Halloween candy when they are asleep. Of course, my daughter is only eleven months old, so I am still in the unenviable position of actually having to buy candy.
What a drag.
The only thing worse than having to buy your own candy is getting the lame candy that some people enjoy handing out on Halloween. Here’s my top five worst Halloween treats of all time:
3 Musketeers. A Snickers bar without the good stuff. Even Milky Way manages to throw in some caramel. My wife and I have heated disagreements about this one, but I wish 3 Musketeers would keep its nougat to itself. (I’m pretty sure “nougat” is French for “cheap filler.”)
Almond Joy and Mounds. Almond Joy would be a whole lot more joyful without the coconut, thank you very much. Don’t even get me started on Mounds.
Circus Peanuts. Jerry Seinfeld once referred to them as door stops. I think he was being too kind. They’re too small to serve a purpose that useful.
Popcorn Balls. Not a candy, per se. Not even sure if it’s a food, to be honest. Not good, that’s for sure.
Black Licorice. Everybody knows that a bowl with nothing but black jelly beans means that somebody ate all the jelly beans. Black licorice anything is bad news. It was developed by witches and labeled “candy” as a way to poison little children through trickery. It’s true. Look it up.
Now, this is a pretty diverse crowd, and I’m aware that one person’s cause for dry heaving is another’s taste of heaven. So tell me, where have I gone wrong? Where do you stand? What’s YOUR least favorite Halloween candy?
Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason
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