Archive for the ‘2009’ Category

2010 Will Be Better!

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

December is finally over.

In 4 short weeks we’ve been through my wife’s graduation, a week at Disney World, a long in-law visit, our car (2005 MINI cooper) engine dying out of nowhere, 2 more family members losing their homes, and then sudden passing of one of my oldest and closest friends’ grandmother.

It’s been a very tough month.

Thankfully 2009 ended on something to be cheerful about, we had our first ultrasound last week and we’re having a BOY! Everything seems to be there, in working order and he’s growing just fine and is on target for spring. We couldn’t be more thrilled to have a girl and a boy. Although it would have been a little nice to have a boy first when we were younger to catch up to him, but hey I’m not complaining.
Ultrasound visits are always surreal. There’s just no way to even explain that ecstatic feeling of seeing your baby for the first time - even though he’s in black and white and looks like on some 1950’s submarine radar screen – just getting that glimpse is amazing. And then they switch to that 4D mode and then you’d swear that you’re living in the future (like in 2001), seeing things so clearly that we could count his fingers and toes.

On the way home with our daughter in the back talking about all of things she’s going to share with her baby brother and how nice she’s going to be to him forever (yes, I should have recorded it) the wife and I talked about how it’s been nearly 5 years since we went through all of this new baby stuff and how much we’ve forgotten in that short amount of time. Just the thought of diapers, night feedings, taking the stroller everywhere, getting kicked in the groin by the Baby Bjorn rider, diaper bag being dragged all over the place, and my ultimate fear: potty training – that alone just scares me all over again.

But then again this time around I have real world experience with child #1. I have my parenting skills down unlike before where everything was by trial and error. Lots of errors but trying my best and I think she's turning out just fine.

And unlike child #1, this will work on #2…


"Every time you poop in your pants, Elmo cries.
Don't make Elmo Cry!"

Worst Dads of 2009

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
In the past 12 months, who has proven himself to be among the Suckiest of the Sucky Fathers in the Entire Universe? ("Entire Universe" is defined as "cursory searches I performed on Bing.") We had plenty to chose from in...

Explaining Christmas to One Confused Kid

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

We’re back from Disney World! Thankfully we left just before the place started getting really crowded.

The trip went great, plenty of sunshine, hardly any rain, and was an overall success. My wife and I were concerned about experiencing some major breakdowns since our daughter went without a nap for well over a week. But thankfully no major incidents except for one very odd thing that happened, which I’ll write about at some other time.

One big thing we do every year there is attend something called the Candlelight Procession at Ecpot. Which is rather nice show of tradition Christmas music with local youth and church choirs from around Florida and some celebrity narrator. Our celebrity was Whoopi Goldberg.
When Whoopi was talking my daughter somehow figured out that the baby everybody was talking about was the same Jesus that's dead and bleeding on the cross. During the performance she yelled at the wife and I, “Oh no! They killed the baby!!”
It seems like since we’ve been back I'll I've been doing is answering questions about why they killed the baby.
In addition to that, thanks to her preschools downplaying of Christmas and up playing of other holidays she’s been asking us where’s our Menorah candles at home and who are we celebrating Kwanza with.
For the record we don’t celebrate Hanukkah but have lots of Jewish friends and co-workers that do, and don’t even know of anybody that celebrates Kwanza.
That didn’t stop her from explaining the seven principles to others and singing to them a few Kwanza songs.

I had no idea they has songs now. Most of them sound remarkably close to Christmas songs.

I’m just waiting until Festivus gets so mainstream that they end up teaching that in preschool as well. I’m sure preschoolers would enjoy the “Airing of Grievances” (“I hate it every time you play with MY toys!”) and the “Feats of Strength” wrestling the head teacher to the classroom floor on the circle time mat.

Anyway, whatever you celebrate: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Umoja Kwanza, Another Festivus Miracle, or Happy Birthday.

Things to Look Forward to in 2009

Thursday, January 8th, 2009

There are things I’m going to miss about 2008: Joe the Plumber, 6-year old Chinese gymnast, bottled water not being cool anymore, etc.
And things that I won’t: financial crisis, potty training crisis, high gas prices crisis, Chuck E. Cheese’s crisis, Speed Racer movie crisis, Hadron Collider destroying the world - crisis.
I don’t know about you but I was a little nervous about that Collider, created by those mad European scientist sucking things into a black hole. Maybe next time around they could point it at Chuck E. Cheese so I don’t have to go to any more birthday parties there.

Nevertheless, here’s my list of things I’m looking forward to in ’09:

  1. The demise of Bratz. After a huge court battle with Mattel Toys, MGA Entertainment (i.e. “The Pimps” of Bratz) is being forced to destroy the entire line, including the sushi strip bar. It still baffles me that some parents actually bought these thong wearing, drug addict looking, hookers for their daughters. And not just a few, but billions of dollars worth the past 8 years.
  2. 10-year wedding anniversary. And to celebrate this April we’re going on a 15-day trip to Paris, France – where the wife and I met nearly 12 years ago. But this trip won’t be filled with white-tablecloth dinners, 12-hour visits to museums by day, and clubbing until 6am like the last time we were there because we’re taking our daughter. Paris with a 3-year old is definitely going to be different this time around. But after some research we’re finding out that there are lots of kid/family friendly things to do there. And I’m planning on blogging about the experience, possibly daily.
  3. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Movie. This will probably be the only movie I see in a theater this year. Well maybe, Transformers 2, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, and Up. And I’m sure my daughter will be all over Princess and the Frog, so maybe that one too.
  4. My daughter’s 4th birthday. Come to think of it, maybe I’m not really looking forward to that one. She’s already growing up much too fast as it is. Her “Santa Wish List” this past Christmas consisted of make-up, lip-gloss, nail polish, hair/body glitter, a tattoo, a cell phone, and a chocolate bunny. Santa ended up bringing her a chocolate Santa and a Dollhouse.
  5. A flying car. We're definitely overdue on this. And not only should it fly, it should be Mr. Fusion powered by banana peels, empty Jamba Juice cups, shredded up Bratz dolls, and leftover Chuck E. Cheese prize tickets.
  6. KFC “Spicy” Popcorn Chicken. I’ve been petitioning KFC for years, but this year is going to be different because I’m starting one of those Internet campaigns. Use this letter as a template (modify if needed), mail and join the Revolution!
To: Colonel Sanders
C/o Customer Satisfaction
P.O. Box 725489
Atlanta, GA 31139
(Or online here. But unlike a letter, you can’t draw pictures on it.)


Dear Colonel (or current CEO of delicious chicken),

Everybody knows your greatest creation, Popcorn Chicken that comes in a little movie popcorn bucket, is the greatest invention known to modern man (after drive-thru's and the Internet.) But it can be better; you could offer Spicy Popcorn Chicken.

If you did this, I promise to eat it everyday. Even when the wife says “Hell no! We’re not going to EAT spicy popcorn chicken again for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at the movie theater!” She’ll learn to love it - even if it takes 10 more years of marriage.

Sincerely,
Tony
“Creative-Type Dad” advocate of Spicy Popcorn Chicken
(Sign your own name here, but leave in “advocate of Spicy Popcorn Chicken” – very important.)

P.S. Please don’t let your employees take baths in the sinks anymore – thanks!




One day…the vision will be reality. I just know it.
What are you looking forward to in ’09?