THE FATHER LIFE | the men's magazine for today's fathers

Less Stress for Dads: All in all, it's just a... 'nother brick in the wall

By: Mike Biskup, mikebiskup.com
Image By: Dan Shirley
June 16, 2008

In the last house my wife and I lived in, we had a giant, poorly functioning brick fireplace which covered most of one wall in our living room. There were two thin windows on both sides of it barely revealing the most beautiful pastoral scene - a beautiful Jersey milk cow, several bounding sheep, a thriving garden, rows of productive almond trees. However, if you sat down in the living room, all you could really see was the big brick fireplace. One day, after several years of talking about removing this 8-foot wide, 3-foot thick, 16-foot high behemoth and replacing it with a picture window, she said "Why don't you just go up there and start hitting it with a hammer?" I thought it was a crazy idea at first, but after a quick climb onto the roof and just a few good whacks, I knocked out the first brick.

I never imagined that giant fireplace would come apart so easily. It was so massive, so solid, so seemingly indestructible, but when I stopped looking at the daunting form of the whole fireplace, got up on top of it, and started focusing on removing one brick at a time, the job of removing it became utterly reasonable. It was a pile of rubble later the next day!

Dealing with stress in your life can be the same.

Although our stress can sometimes appear to be an everlasting monolithic barrier to enjoying life, looks can be deceiving.

Using a slightly different brick structure to illustrate my point, picture a brick wall. The wall represents the sum total of all the stress in your life, and separates your stressed out self on one side from the relaxed, positive, confident person you know you can be on the other side. You'd like to remove the wall, but the job looks huge, daunting, tiring.

Now, rather than thinking of your stress as a singular entity, think of every individual brick in the wall as a specific instance of stress in your life. When you look at them all at once - the wall can look impenetrable, solid, and can be overwhelming. However, if you look at one brick at a time, take one instance of stress and isolate it, you will have a much better chance of dealing with it effectively. And when you successfully remove just one brick in the wall, the ones around it are a lot easier to get to. This has been my personal experience and the experience of many individuals I've worked with. By focusing on reducing your stress in one particular area of your life, you will be helping to make it easier to reduce your stress in other areas of your life as well.

As you focus on one brick at a time, you will gradually weaken the structure of the wall. Soon the wall which used to seem so solid, and was keeping you from experiencing the kind of life you've been wanting, begins to look more like swiss cheese. And if you keep at it, eventually your wall of stress will crumble to the ground.

I'm not saying it's easy to remove the wall and live in total relaxation and bliss. Walls of stress can sometimes spring up quickly. In a busy life with family, work, relationships etc. you may always have small piles of bricks laying around which keep life interesting (I know I do), but learning how to isolate the bricks and deal with them effectively is a great skill to have.

How do we deal effectively with the bricks? How can we isolate our stress and usher it out of our lives?

I recommend experimenting with an AMAZING stress relief tool: "The Work of Byron Katie." Sit down with a piece of paper and write down five to ten things that have been bugging you lately. Make a list of short simple statements.

Find the one that is the most frustrating and do "The Work" on it. You can read about what "The Work" is, and how "The Work" works in my previous The Father Life articles, at mikebiskup.com, or at www.thework.com.

In a nutshell, within every stressful thought you have at any given moment is a valuable kernel of wisdom waiting to be discovered. "The Work" is a simple way to find it. The bricks in your "wall" contain within them exactly what you need to know to reduce your stress, enjoy life more, and improve your relationships. By doing "The Work" on the bricks in your wall, one at a time, you'll discover this hidden knowledge for yourself and make amazing steps toward feeling better. You'll also be gradually weakening the wall that keeps you from experiencing the heightened creativity, clarity of mind, love of self, and joy of life that comes with less stress.

Less stress = More fun!

Mike Biskup is a Stress Relief Educator, Artist, and Father residing in Washington State. You can learn more about Mike, his work, and his trainings by visiting: www.mikebiskup.com.


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Less Stress for Dads: All in all, it's just a... 'nother brick in the wall By: Mike Biskup, mikebiskup.com Image By: Dan Shirley June 16, 2008 In the last house my wife and I lived in, we had a giant, poorly functioning brick fireplace which covered most of one wall in our living room. There were two thin windows on both sides of it barely revealing the most beautiful pastoral scene - a beautiful Jersey milk cow, several bounding sheep, a thriving garden, rows of productive almond trees. However, if you sat down in the living room, all you could really see was the big brick fireplace. One day, after several years of talking about removing this 8-foot wide, 3-foot thick, 16-foot high behemoth and replacing it with a picture window, she said "Why don't you just go up there and start hitting it with a hammer?" I thought it was a crazy idea at first, but after a quick climb onto the roof and just a few good whacks, I knocked out the first brick. I never imagined that giant fireplace would come apart so easily. It was so massive, so solid, so seemingly indestructible, but when I stopped looking at the daunting form of the whole fireplace, got up on top of it, and started focusing on removing one brick at a time, the job of removing it became utterly reasonable. It was a pile of rubble later the next day! Dealing with stress in your life can be the same. Although our stress can sometimes appear to be an everlasting monolithic barrier to enjoying life, looks can be deceiving. Using a slightly different brick structure to illustrate my point, picture a brick wall. The wall represents the sum total of all the stress in your life, and separates your stressed out self on one side from the relaxed, positive, confident person you know you can be on the other side. You'd like to remove the wall, but the job looks huge, daunting, tiring. Now, rather than thinking of your stress as a singular entity, think of every individual brick in the wall as a specific instance of stress in your life. When you look at them all at once - the wall can look impenetrable, solid, and can be overwhelming. However, if you look at one brick at a time, take one instance of stress and isolate it, you will have a much better chance of dealing with it effectively. And when you successfully remove just one brick in the wall, the ones around it are a lot easier to get to. This has been my personal experience and the experience of many individuals I've worked with. By focusing on reducing your stress in one particular area of your life, you will be helping to make it easier to reduce your stress in other areas of your life as well. As you focus on one brick at a time, you will gradually weaken the structure of the wall. Soon the wall which used to seem so solid, and was keeping you from experiencing the kind of life you've been wanting, begins to look more like swiss cheese. And if you keep at it, eventually your wall of stress will crumble to the ground. I'm not saying it's easy to remove the wall and live in total relaxation and bliss. Walls of stress can sometimes spring up quickly. In a busy life with family, work, relationships etc. you may always have small piles of bricks laying around which keep life interesting (I know I do), but learning how to isolate the bricks and deal with them effectively is a great skill to have. How do we deal effectively with the bricks? How can we isolate our stress and usher it out of our lives? I recommend experimenting with an AMAZING stress relief tool: "The Work of Byron Katie." Sit down with a piece of paper and write down five to ten things that have been bugging you lately. Make a list of short simple statements. Find the one that is the most frustrating and do "The Work" on it. You can read about what "The Work" is, and how "The Work" works in my previous The Father Life articles, at mikebiskup.com, or at www.thework.com. In a nutshell, within every stressful thought you have at any given moment is a valuable kernel of wisdom waiting to be discovered. "The Work" is a simple way to find it. The bricks in your "wall" contain within them exactly what you need to know to reduce your stress, enjoy life more, and improve your relationships. By doing "The Work" on the bricks in your wall, one at a time, you'll discover this hidden knowledge for yourself and make amazing steps toward feeling better. You'll also be gradually weakening the wall that keeps you from experiencing the heightened creativity, clarity of mind, love of self, and joy of life that comes with less stress. Less stress = More fun! Mike Biskup is a Stress Relief Educator, Artist, and Father residing in Washington State. You can learn more about Mike, his work, and his trainings by visiting: www.mikebiskup.com.